Blog – Page 4 – Debra Joy

Before you do anything for Earth Day, do this…

Whether you’re participating in a rally, celebrating at home, or forgot all about it until just now, here’s a simple little something I invite you to do as your own intimate celebration of earth. And it will only take a minute.

Go outside.
Take off your shoes.
Stand where you are.
Feel the earth through your feet.

Bring all your awareness down into your feet. Feel your soles touching the earth. Is it grass you feel, or rock or sand? Let your body rest into it. Feel the texture and temperature. Let the earth hold you up.

You’ll be amazed how quickly you’ll be back up in your thoughts, wondering, planning, rushing ahead.

Come back down.
To the only home you’ll ever have.
In this body.
On this earth.

Be in it.
Breathe in it.
Feel your soul in your soles.

You probably spend most of your time in a building, in a car, in shoes and on sidewalks. All of this can disconnect you from the earth and from yourself.

This is a chance to connect to yourself. And connect to this place. Let yourself have it.

As you touch down you’ll become more grounded. When you’re grounded you’ll access the peace that’s within you. When you access the peace inside you, that’s what you’ll share with the world.

So before you do anything on earth day. Take a moment to connect your body to your earth and and feel yourself come back home.

And if by chance you’re feeling a little overwhelmed and hopeless because things seem so batshit crazy right now, it’s good to remember that Earth Day sprung from a tragedy almost 50 years ago. And it created so much good.

Senator Gaylord Nelson of Wisconsin witnessed the destruction caused by a massive oil spill off the coast of Santa Barbara in 1969 and got the idea for Earth Day. He gathered energy, expertise and commitment from Republicans, Democrats, experts and educators, to raise the political will to force environmental protection onto the national political agenda.

On April 22,1970, 20 million Americans took to the streets, parks, and auditoriums to demonstrate for a healthy, sustainable environment in massive coast-to-coast rallies. That energy led to the creation of the United States Environmental Protection Agency and the passage of the Clean Air, Clean Water and Endangered Species Acts. Much of what was created by the will of the people is shockingly in danger again.

Yes, there is darkness all around, but that’s when we really get to see the light. You can choose to shine.

Don’t get overwhelmed and try to act from that place.
Feel your feet on the ground. Breathe. Then act from that place, if you choose.

Happy Earth Day.
Love Debra

For simple ways to experience more of the peace, joy and wisdom that are within you, check out my new e-book here. Turns out I’m not the only one who loves it:

‘“I’m about halfway through your book and I’m loving it so far. Just reading it makes me slow down, take a breath, and start enjoying the moment.”

~ Elizabeth Walling, LivingTheNourishedLife.com

How to know what you really value.

I bet if I asked you right now what you value most, you’d think for a moment and be able to rattle off the things that are truly important to you.

But how would you know that what you say is true? Just saying that you value something doesn’t make it so. So really, how would you know?

Turns out it’s a great time of year for figuring that out. Not only is it Spring, which is a time of new beginnings and fresh starts, but you either just did your taxes or you’re about to do them. (check out my post that will help you love doing your taxes)

As you look back at your year financially, that will give you one aspect of what you value. You spend your money on things you value, whether you claim them on your taxes or not. If you’ll also look back over your calendar of the last year you’ll get another clear sign of what you value – how you spent your time.

If you say you value something, but don’t spend any energy on it – money, time or other, it probably isn’t something you truly value. It’s a nice concept. Something you care about, something you think you should value, but not truly one of your core values.

If you say you really value time with your family, but your calendar is chock a block full of work, it could be you actually value your work more. There’s no right or wrong with this. It’s just an opportunity to get to your truth. Maybe you have to work most of the time to provide just the basics for your family. You value providing for your family most. If however, your family has much more than they need, you may value your work, and the stuff it provides, more than time with them. There is no right or wrong. Just an opportunity to get clear.

If you value nature, did you get outside much? You value human rights, did you contribute to causes with your time or money? You value your health, did you spent your money on good food and time cooking, moving and getting enough sleep?

If you look over your calendar and your finances you’ll get a pretty clear view of where your values were last year. If you’re surprised to see that how you spent your time and money don’t line up with what you really value, you’ve just become conscious of a disconnect in your life. Now you have the opportunity to align your actions with your values and decrease stress.

Knowing what you truly value right now, (values change over time), and aligning your actions with your values can help you overcome guilt that you “should” value something else. You value what you value. There is no right or wrong.

And if you haven’t done your taxes yet. Here’s a way to elevate the experience.

This is always affecting you, whether you know it or not.

Throughout each day this influences your thinking, sways your judgment, affects your mood, and impacts your relationships.

It can determine whether you feel open, warm and compassionate, or cold and judgmental.

It’s happening right now. Do you know what it is?

As you read this, take a moment to notice what you’re sitting on. Is it a cozy couch, a cushion on the floor, or a hard chair? Now breathe and notice how you feel.

Are you holding anything? A warm mug of tea or a hard plastic phone? Bring your attention to your hands. Take a few breaths and notice how you feel.

Now do you know what’s affecting you? Yep – it’s touch.

Every inch of your beautiful body is wrapped in glorious skin. It’s sensitive and strong, and wonderfully responsive. Full of sensory receptors, it’s registering textures and temperatures all the time. Mostly you’re unaware of what’s touching you, but it’s affecting you all the same.

If you want to boost your mood, shift your thinking, or feel more connected, notice what you’re touching first.

Want more trust, compassion and connection in your relationships? It can help to sit in a cozy chair and hold a warm mug of tea or coffee when you connect. The same part of your brain that registers physical temperature also registers interpersonal warmth, so as crazy as it may sound, holding something warm will make you feel warmer towards others.

Find yourself judging your partner and being too rigid in your negotiations? Move out of that hard chair. Notice if anything touching you feels stiff, rough or scratchy. Touching coarse or rigid materials will tilt your judgment and emotions towards those same qualities. Touch something more comfortable and you’ll be kinder. The shift can be subtle, but profound.

Here’s an added benefit of noticing what’s touching you – you’ll become present. And that’s the simplest way to access your true nature, which is peaceful, loving and accepting. Living from that state will bring you joy.

The most direct path to presence is through your body. Just by bringing your attention to what you’re touching, and noticing how it feels, you’ll drop out of thinking, judging and fearing. You’ll be right where you are in this moment. Even a few seconds free of thinking can bring you peace.

Noticing what’s touching you can become a meditation you do throughout the day. You’ll discover often that you’re uncomfortable, but you hadn’t noticed until you paid attention. Your clothes are scratchy, your shoes pinch your feet, your chair is hard and your butt hurts. Being uncomfortable sucks. That would make anyone cranky.

Every time you notice what you’re touching and how it feels, make a choice. Is this how you want to feel? Do you want to shift to feel better? It all starts with awareness.

If you do that throughout the day, you’ll lift your moods, thoughts, and relationships without working too hard.

Here’s a Touch Challenge for this next week.

Staring tomorrow: Notice what’s touching you, three times every day.
Pick something to remind you. Set three alarms on your phone. Or decide to do it during each meal. Etc.
Don’t rely on your memory. I promise you it won’t happen. You need to decide on a trigger before you begin.
When it’s time to notice what’s touching you, just breathe, bring your attention to what’s touching you, and notice how you feel.
Three times a day you’ll become present through your body.

I’d love to hear what you discover. You can comment below.

For more simple ways to access your true nature, and life a life you’ll love, check out my new e-book, The Power of Pleasure

Within Every Loss Lies Your Opportunity to Win.

I don’t watch the Academy Awards every year because they usually don’t hold my interest. But this year, recovering from a little surgery, I snuggled up on the couch with a friend, her dog, my man, and together we watched the spectacle.

And something happened that has never happened before. I’m sure you’ve heard about it, even if you didn’t see it….

LALA Land won the Oscar for Best Picture of the Year. And Then They Lost It.

But within that loss they had a win.

About 60 seconds after producer, Jordan Horowitz, gave his acceptance speech ~ one that encouraged others to use love to champion bold and diverse work that inspires us all towards joy, hope and empathy, he learned that a mistake had been made. His film had NOT won best picture. Moonlight had.

In less than a minute, the ultimate honor in his field was given and then taken away. Any of us in his situation, with millions of people watching, would have been shocked, confused, maybe a bit heartbroken and embarrassed. But as soon as he learned of the mistake he announced it to everyone, held up the card showing Moonlight had won and said, “I’m going to be really proud to hand this to my friends from Moonlight”.

That was the ultimate win of the night.

Before he offered up his award so quickly and gracefully I had no idea who Jordan Horowitz was. But that moment of love was a true win, and made him memorable. I was glad Moonlight got the award. I loved that film and thought it more deserving. But the bigger winner in my heart was Jordan Horowitz.

All of us have losses. Few will be as public as this one. But many will be deeper:

You may lose your job and not know how you’ll support your family.
You may lose a loved one and not know how your heart will ever heal.
You may lose your civil liberties under a repressive government.
You may lose a chance to achieve your dream and believe it’s too late.
You may hurt someone’s feelings and lose their trust and respect.

In each of your losses there is an opportunity for you to win.

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I can see how sickness led to a new richer life. I can see how a failed business led me to finding a more fulfilling way to give. I can see how the loss of my first marriage helped me discover who I really am.

Sometimes we can’t see the win within the loss. We are only focused on the loss. We can’t know what would have happened if we’d “won”. We just assume it would have been better.

When you face loss now, you can choose to win by responding with love:

You can be afraid, and turn towards love anyway.
You can grieve, and feel your love along side it.
You can still love your dreams, and nurture them in a new way.
You can feel hopeless, and then unite with others to fight lovingly for freedom.
You can feel ashamed of hurting someone you care about, then come back to love, forgive yourself, apologize and make amends.

What loss are you experiencing now? In there lies your opportunity to win. Find it.

For simple practices to live the love that is always inside you, check out my new book: The Power of Pleasure.

The Power of Pleasure is Here!

I’m so excited that my New E-book is ready for you.

Yep, you can get it right HERE and start experiencing The Power of Pleasure in your own life.

My goal has always been to offer you the very simplest routes to presence, joy and peace. I kept editing this book down to be the cleanest, clearest version of itself, until I was sure you’d be able to pick it up, grab a practice quickly, and fit it into your life with ease.

It will give you the most direct path to presence – through your body.

The seven chapters; Breathe, Ground, Touch, Taste, Sleep, Move and Release are full of inspiration, stories, research and super simple steps you can use immediately. They don’t take up extra time (that you really don’t have). But they’ll change your experience of what your already doing.

Chris Papadopoulos, author of Peace and Where to Find it, says, “Debra’s tell-it-like-it-is wisdom and gentle wit entice us to go more deeply into all the things we already do every day only to discover the profound pleasure waiting for us at the core of all experience.”

I’ve also included audio practices that you can download to your phone and use any time you like. Cause sometimes a little guidance is nice.

FIND THE POWER OF PLEASURE HERE.

With love and thanks,
Debra

Tune for a Tuesday Afternoon #6

Except for the yogurt and sauerkraut in my fridge, there’s not much about me that’s cultured.

“Freaky” – yep.
“Fringe-dweller” – it’s been said.
“Different” – Definitely.

I’ve been called many things, but nobody’s ever accused me of being cultured.

But I surprised myself, back in the 90s, when I was walking down Granville Street one evening after a long day of work. I stopped at the Orpheum Theater and saw that the Symphony was playing. I’d made it to my 30s without ever going to the symphony. Maybe my feet were killing me and I needed to sit for a while. Whatever the reason I bought a ticket and found my seat just before the concert began.

Everyone on stage and in the audience made a big fuss over a special guest they had that night. I’d never heard of him, but was thrilled that he was a cellist. Cello’s always been my favorite instrument. Deep and moody, soulful and sweet. It gets me every time.

The cellist was a man named Yo-Yo-Ma.

For the next 90 minutes he grabbed me by the heart and held me rapt. He stroked my back with his bow and caressed my neck with his fingers. I became the cello and he played me. I smiled and wept and sat gap-jawed for most of the show.

So with that luscious memory, I share with you, Your Tune for a Tuesday afternoon.

Yo-Yo Ma playing Gabriel’s Oboe.

It goes well with a cup of tea, a robust red wine, a lover under the covers, your best friend, your favorite chair, a dog at your feet, cat in your lap, or the sweetness of solitude. I’ve also used it to accompany blindfolded sun salutations in the jungles of Mexico.

There are no deep thoughts or insightful messages that go with this Tuesday afternoon Tune. I just wanted to drop some beauty into your lap.

Give yourself the next 2 minutes to tune out whatever’s going on, and tune into this bit of beauty.
Love Debra

For more moments of pleasure that can draw you deep into presence, click here to check out my new book, The Power of Pleasure

Tune for a Tuesday Afternoon #5

how to be when things go wrong – even horribly wrong

Right now so many of us are feeling that things are going horribly wrong. Millions of people are hurting. It’s hard not to focus on what isn’t working. What’s not going our way. We get riled up and where our focus goes, energy follows.

Whether it’s disasters of a global scale, problems in your neighborhood, or faults you see in yourself or others, at times the world can seem to be crumbling around you.

Even when things are mostly great – things will appear to go wrong.

On the day of my first wedding we got someone else’s cake. Some poor bride was missing her three level fruit cake with orange lucite pillars and icing flowers of every color. She was stuck with my white on white with chocolate inside.

When buying our house in Washington, we were informed at the last minute on the closing day that we couldn’t get a mortgage because of my legal status. When I went up to begin renovations, the furnace wasn’t working, during the coldest winter they’d had in years. When we finished restoring the old handmade cabinets, the new hinges weren’t strong enough to hold them up. It took over a month to track new ones down from different places.

In my 30’s an illness crippled me with pain and fatigue, and changed the whole direction of the life I passionately loved.

Each time things didn’t go as planned, blessings came in different ways.They often didn’t come right away, but they always came. Things I couldn’t have expected.

It doesn’t mean I didn’t get bummed out, or feel hurt or angry or sad. But as soon I would breathe, feel my feet on the ground, and become present again, I could feel the immensity of life and the smallness of my plans. The vastness of the unknown, and the limitations of what I believed “should” happen.

What I’ve discovered over and over again is that each time something goes “wrong”, even “horribly wrong”, I can choose to see it as a divine diversion and a opportunity to let love shine.

In Anthem, Leonard Cohen sings, “There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”

Whether the business you’ve poured your heart into is failing, your lover left you, you’ve just been told you have a terminal illness, or the people in power are acting in inexplicable ways, life will be chaotic and scary at times. It feels like the cracks are growing and your world is crumbling. Even your best plans can’t save you.

But the crack, isn’t just a problem. The crack is also an opening. It’s how the light gets in.

When we got someone else’s wedding cake, we laughed, stuck a fake nose and glasses in it, took our pictures, and danced around it. Friends, new neighbors, and even strangers stepped in to help us with each problem in our new house. In turn, I stayed open, grateful and in awe of the love. In my illness that devoured the world I loved, I discovered a different, more authentic way to live, and a deeper part of myself I’d never known.

You see the crack isn’t just how the light gets in. It’s also how the light gets out. There’s a light shining bright in me and you. And the times when things go wrong, we make mistakes, or we only see others’ faults, are all opportunities to let that light shine.

The world is full of cracks right now, so focus on the light. There is plenty of it.

Let it shine on you.

Accept the good in others. Let people support you when you’re scared and sad. Ask for help.

**When you don’t see the light, Let it shine out of you.**

Be kind to everyone, starting with yourself. Feel your pain, release your pain, without taking it out on others. Be engaged. Stay curious. Accept people who have different beliefs, or voted for someone else. Embrace those who look, act and speak differently. The light will reflect off of others and soon you’ll be bathing in it.

Be courageous enough, in these tough times, to Love.

In these challenging times, how will you let your light shine, and let others’ light shine on you?

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Stop Saying These Three Words

When she has to make an important decision, or feels stressed about something, my niece sometimes phones me for advice. It’s a call I love to get. I’m delighted to tap into her world for a while and offer help however I can. I love that she trusts me and wants me to be involved.

At some point in the call she usually asks me to tell her what to do, but that’s not really my way. While I’m happy to share my experience, or offer options she hasn’t considered, I’m most interested in helping her access her own wisdom. I want her to touch the place deep inside her where her own answers lie. I have no interest in telling her what to do.

Until the last call.

My niece is fortunate to be good at many things. She’s smart, athletic, musical, creative and kind. She has a confidence I never knew at her age. (Can you tell I’m an aunt?) She called me at the beginning of this school year because she wasn’t sure what to do about sports. Her workload at school is heavier, and her time with friends is important. She’s been dancing ballet since she was young. She loves ballet and how it makes her feel, but the program was changing and she wasn’t sure she wanted to continue where she’d been since it’s a major time commitment.

She was considering soccer as an alternative, but was concerned. She wished her mom had made her play soccer when she was young, even though she hadn’t wanted to. The girls she knew who played soccer had been doing it for many years. They knew the game, they’d developed their skills, and they’d bonded. She told me she was worried that “It’s too late.” She didn’t feel that at the ripe age of 15 she could catch up.

It was those three words that changed my way with her. It told her straight out, “Join soccer!”. I said, “If for no other reason, join soccer so that you don’t start telling yourself It’s Too Late. That belief will limit you the rest of your life.”

She joined soccer. It turns out she’s a natural. She’s fast and athletic and will probably be a soccer superstar. She loves it! She’s having fun, meeting new friends, getting to be part of a team and staying really physical. And she’s learned that “It’s NOT too late”. That’s a lesson I hope she’ll carry with her forever.

If you’re 15, 35, 75 or more, please never say It’s Too Late.

Whether you want to learn an instrument, fall in love, get healthy, ask for forgiveness, start a new career, run a marathon, or travel to some far off country, it’s not too late. It may not happen the way you expect, but you’re willingness will open that door, and that makes anything possible.

What would you do if you stopped telling yourself It’s Too Late?

Tune for a Tuesday Afternoon #4

A few days ago, just as the sun was rising, I headed east on highway 10, with the ocean in my rearview mirror. I was struck by the beauty of the mountains straight ahead. It looked as if a giant hand had carved their dark edges into the bright blue sky with a fine knife. They were so crisp, their outlines so sharp. The mountains are always there, but this day they stood out like they hadn’t in a long time.

And what made the difference was RAIN – Something we don’t get much of in Southern California.

It’s wonderful to live in sunshine almost all year long. But there’s an up and a down to everything, even sunshine. The air here gets thick and heavy. Everything feels dusty. The dryness sucks the life out of my garden and my skin.

But then the rains come. The skies darken, and it pours down.

After rains the air is cleaner. It feels fresh and light. I can see the mountains. My garden is lush and green again.

Driving on this clear day, breathing in this fresh air, I started humming this song below. I can See Clearly Now, sung by my fellow Canadian, Holly Cole.

It seems we all love the look, the feel and the smell after a great rain, but how many of us actually welcome the rain itself. If it’s in the weather or our personal lives, we seem to want 365 days of sunshine, smooth sailing, and easy times. But those rainy days, those stormy times in life are really important. They can wash away the build up you didn’t even notice. They can help you get clear on what matters most to you.

A rainy time for you might come from sickness, feeling stuck at work, bored in your relationships, or financially tight.

When your energy or finances are limited you may have to make tough choices. (I know lots about this). In choosing, you may discover what matters most, and start to live a simpler life you love. When you feel stuck or bored it can stir up your creative juices to do what’s needed to thrive again.

Whatever the rainy time is for you, there’s a gift in it. Rather than shun it while you’re in it and look back with appreciation later, see if you can embrace it while it’s happening.

Dance in the rain if you will. It may be washing something away, so you can feel lighter and freer, breathe deeper and see clearer.

Enjoy,

Love Debra

If someone you know is going through a stormy time, this might help brighten their day.

What the World Series and Presidential Election reminded me to do.

When I left my hometown, I also left The Blue Jays and all things baseball behind. I’d been a big fan, but there was no MLB team in Vancouver and I just got busy with other things.

Almost 30 years later I found myself watching baseball again.

My in-laws all live in Chicago, and they are die-hard Cub Fans. Always have been, even when there was no good reason to be. So you can imagine their excitement when their team made it to the World Series. Each night my 85 year old mother-in-law drove to a sports bar in Skokie to cheer and laugh, drink beer and even cry with fellow fans. I call her the Cubbie Bubbie. My brother-in- law and a couple of cousins even scored seats at the games.

On the final night, my husband and I turned on the game. What I’d forgotten about baseball, one of the things that makes the game great, is The Pause. And when a World Series is on the line, the Pause becomes more, important, poetic and dramatic.

The pitcher connects with the catcher. He Pauses. He takes his time. Takes a breath, winds up and throws an impossibly fast ball. The batter swings and misses. Strike two. He steps away from the plate. He Pauses. He gives himself some time. Stepping forward, he positions himself to swing again. Tension mounts as the game is tied 6 to 6. In the 10th inning the rains pour down. The entire game Pauses for about 15 minutes.

The Cubs go on to win the World Series. After a Pause of 108 years.

In each of those pauses I would breathe, feel my own body, and become more acutely present.

It’s easy to get caught up in our thoughts, worries, emotions and stories. A Pause can bring you back to Peace.

A week after the Cubs great victory I woke to the news of Trump’s win. I was”shocked but not surprised”. I sobbed. Like I’ve never cried over politics before. I was sad and scared. I was afraid that this win would validate misogyny, bigotry, racism and elitism. I feared what would become of my husband’s immigrant students, the Supreme Court, women, the LGBT and black communities, our prison system, and environmentally sensitive areas that house endangered species and natural resources.

Then I Paused. I stopped talking about it. I got off social media. I sat quietly and took a moment by myself. As I felt my breath move in and out I could sense my body’s expression. Tight. Buzzing. Jagged. As I gave each sensation my attention, it morphed into something else. Over time my breath deepened, my body softened and expanded. I was calmer, and connected to myself again.

Nothing had changed. And everything had. I was no longer stuck in the survival panic of my reptilian brain. I was operating from a more evolved part of myself. I was no longer lost in the apocalyptic future my thoughts were building.

After the Pause I was able to love again. I felt stronger and more able to handle the change with an open heart. I could feel the need for kindness, acceptance and tolerance now more than ever. I could feel potential.

When you’re faced with great opportunity or great challenge, PAUSE.
Take a moment just to be.
To breathe.
To feel yourself in a body, that’s alive.

Remembering to Pause when you’re under great stress can be challenging. If you don’t practice Pausing regularly, you can only hope you’ll have enough awareness to override your own biology – the ancient fight-flight-freeze response of your nervous system. That’s sort of like hoping you’ll figure out how to swim once your boat capsizes in the ocean.

If you want to be able to Pause when you need it, I suggest you Pause when you don’t, just like practicing swimming before you head out to sea. You’ll be able to draw on your practice when you need it most.

This week, try Pausing several times a day. Set up reminders for yourself. Pause before every email your write, or every time you sit down, or at every red light. Just pay attention to your breath. Experience your body’s sensations, even as they change. Let your eyes look around. Then notice how your body feels.

Though it only takes a moment, the Pause has a way of slowing life down, bringing things into focus, and connecting you to yourself in a way that being busy never can.

It might be interesting to write about your experience each night, and at the end of a week look back on how it went. I’d love to hear how it goes.