Your Love Makes a Difference

It’s wonderful when you get to see and feel the difference your love is making in someone’s life. It’s great to see them bask in the glow of your love. It’s fun to know you’ve put a spring in someone’s step, helped them see the best in themselves and shine their own light a little brighter.

It’s awesome when this happens, but what about the times when you give your love to another, openly, consistently, joyful and …. nothing.   What then?

We don’t always get to see the difference our love makes, but that doesn’t mean it’s not making a difference.

Alice*  is a body-worker. She’s been in practice for many years. A few weeks ago she told me that when she was first starting out she worked in a clinic and took whoever they gave her. There was a older woman who came to her who was grumpy all the time, and no fun to work on. There seemed to be no pleasing this woman. Even though she didn’t seem happy with the treatments she kept returning. Since Alice was new she kept working on her, even though it was unpleasant.

Then one day, before the grump arrived, Alice realized something. What this woman really needed was love. So Alice decided to love her that day. She didn’t say anything different, and she worked on her body in the same way. But as she did it she loved her. She had no good or easy reason to love this woman – she was a bitch. Alice drew from the love that was inside her already, and it was there because it’s always there. Love is what we are. By tapping into that core Alice was able to love this woman without saying a word.  The session was done and the woman left.

While Alice prepped her room for another client the receptionist came in and said, “What did you do to her in here? She was an angel.”

Alice had the good fortune to hear second hand that her love had made a difference. We don’t all get that gift. So when you’re giving your love bombs and you don’t know if it’s working – TRUST.

Love is what you are, and by actively accessing that love you’re accessing the truth of who you are.

*Alice: The name isn’t real. But her love is!

Expectations & The 30 Day Love Explosion

You were excited to start The 30 Day Love Explosion. You began dropping bombs on your chosen one. You noticed how good it felt to express yourself. How easy it was to find something new that you love about this person each day. How fun it was to shower them with your love. It caused you to drop out of your ordinary fast pace for a moment, pay close attention and become present. You appreciated that. It was both joyful and deep.

Then after a week or so you noticed a change. You were less excited about dropping love bombs. You felt disappointed. You began withholding a bit. Little grudges were starting to edge their way in. You even thought about dropping the whole stupid thing. What changed?

In most cases the answer is the same: You changed. You began this adventure by following your heart. You felt the impulse and ran with it. You focused on what you love about your chosen person and you felt enlivened by it. You shared what you loved about them and it made you happy.

Somewhere along the way, subtly, and perhaps without you even noticing your focus shifted from what you love and how to express it, to what you expected in return. Your person didn’t respond the ways you hoped or expected them to. You were disappointed. They let you down. Maybe you even expected them to disappoint you, and so you feel vindicated, but that’s not the same as feeling happy or loving. So how do you get back on track?

First, you gotta own it. Your disappointment has nothing to do with the person you chose.

Your disappointment is never caused by what someone does or doesn’t do. It comes from your expectations of what they should or shouldn’t do.

As soon as you realize this you can take the blame off of them. You can use this as a chance to explore expectations you didn’t even know you had. You can examine expectations you have around love and giving. Do you give to get something in return? Do you withhold if you don’t get what you expected?

Where did those expectations begin? So many of our beliefs and expectations began before we could even form sentences. Yet we carry them throughout our lives and let them run our behaviours unconsciously. Becoming aware of them is the first step to transforming.

If you’ve been feeling disappointed by your person’s response (or lack of it), know that it’s not their reactions to your love bombs that’s disappointing you. It’s that your expectations are causing your disappointment.

So, what are you going to do about it? Use this opportunity as a chance to grow your love. Whenever you notice your disappointment rising, know that your expectations are at work. You’re expecting something because there’s something you want, something you need. What is it? Can you be curious and loving and gentle with yourself, as you sit in the discomfort of your own wants and needs?

And when you discover what you want and need, can you give it to yourself – Before you give love to anyone else, can you love yourself?